- Live for the present
I've been in this world for the better part of 24 years now. After a 3-year-tour of child psychiatries, I came out as more of a wreckage than I was when I got in there. I hated people, I hated the world outside my window, I hated myself. After meeting a guy with the same neck as Yosuke (lol) in 2001, this gradually started to change for the better, but even then, I was still living in a kind of coma. Unable to move, unable to do what was important, not knowing what I wanted or who I was. I had a dream but I didn't have the confidence or the courage to get started with it. So, as always, I ran away. I ran away from my dream by drawing for dear life, because that has always been what I do best and what pleases the people around me most. But recently, my joy for drawing which was often a lie I told myself, suddenly started to fade and I was terrified: am I losing interest in the only thing I was good at and could maybe build my future on? Or at least keep myself busy with until the day I die? It was gone. My friend, my drug, "Mr. Drawing", was gone.
But around the same time, I started to watch IWGP and noticed that actor playing Takashi Andoh. I got curious about the dude and did some research, watched more of his works. One being Long Love Letter. And oh - Mr. Drawing was back, but no longer a drug, no longer a place to hide in. Instead, Yosuke reminded me of my true dream again, a dream I've been suppressing for more than 10 years: acting and filmmaking. But the way I am now, I can't accept myself, much less look at myself on screen, so Yosuke gave me another thing. No, he took something from me: my food addiction. I radically changed my eating habits. Counting calories, drinking only water, no more sweets or junk food. More fruit (didn't eat any before) and vegetables. I also exercise now. I want to be able to look at myself with pride, and Yosuke finally gave me that push to overcome my psychological eating disorder. I'm still fickle but I'm fighting. Overall, Yosuke and the dream he returned to me, gave me lots of courage. I've now dropped my japanology studies (which I chose because, once more, there's no effort and no risk in doing something I'm good at anyways - another chance to run and hide) and will be going to film school.

But how come? Well, there's people who have this "aura". They affect you. I'm extremely sensitive so it's rather easy to affect me. And in Long Love Letter, there was this line: "Ima wo ikiro" (), which means "Live for the present". Yes, that's a line randomly spat out in every 2nd anime, but Asami in LLL was a math teacher. He gave a both graphic and well-worded explanation along with this phrase. I'll try to repeat it in my own words:
If the past is *this* point at the beginning and the future is *this* point at the end of the line, we live *here*, at this point only. No matter when, we're always living in this one point, the present.
We think the future is certain, but it isn't. Something may happen at any time. Say things you want to say and do things you want to do today, because tomorrow, you may no longer be able to.

This made me think and realize: I've been whining over the past, dragging it along, and worrying over the future, while not seizing the moment, the present in front of me, at all and thereby wasting half of my life. And if Yosuke hadn't been in the drama, I may never have watched it and thus, never have gotten this -lecturing. Frankly, my life up to that point was so pointless, empty and boring that if I didn't have the pets to take care of, ending it wouldn't have been so tragic. But by reminding me of my dream, by telling me to live in the present and because both require me to change myself, Yosuke Kubozuka may very well have saved my life. It's not the fangirl speaking, I think so from the bottom of my heart.

I have become alot stronger and brave thanks to this. I no longer run from confrontations. 2 days ago, I even faced a person I was really scared to confront. I've run from her for 2 years while she ignored me. We were friends once, but we both fucked up in ways. I knew she was pissed and the reason this scared me is simple: she's everything I'm not. Sexy, successful, confident. And very dominating and strong. I've always loved, but also feared and envied her. Yes, I could be so jealous I hated her. She was so "big" and I felt so "small". Hence, when I saw her 2 days ago, I ran away again, then came back and ignored her for an hour. But this "Ima wo ikiro" kept echoing, screaming in my mind and I fucking faced her, I told her honestly all I wanted to say. What I hated her for doing, but also what mistakes I made. That was the first time in my life I was so openly honest and direct without getting nervous or starting to cry and cuss. She wasn't exactly charmed and did give me a hard time, but I managed to overcome myself and I kinda feel like I've also beaten her. It was me who swallowed my pride and looked this huge, better-than-me woman in the eyes. She was calm but her eyes couldn't lie - she was clearly addled XD This was a victory over both her and over myself and it's all thanks to Yosuke. I've wanted to settle this "fight" for a long time, but I was such a coward. The way home was hell, but thanks to Yosuke I even found the courage to... okay, stop here.

No matter what anyone thinks about this, whether Yosuke knows or cares or doesn't, I owe him for this. I finally know who I am, what I want, and that I'm strong. I am now gradually starting to live for the present. My mother couldn't help me, my best friends couldn't and a dozen children's loony bins couldn't. Yosuke could. It's a bit late because I've lost many things because of who I was, but as long as I'm alive, I can change both the present and the future for the better. So instead of whining about the past, I should learn from its mistakes and be glad it's the past.

Thank you Yosuke, thank you so much.